Today has been one of those days where the wind is blowing so hard that you can lean into it and trust it to hold you up. As I write it's singing a song to me as it passes by the house walls.
Yesterday I had a significant realization; I'm thawing out just like the snow outside. For about a year now I've been holding things inside, so close, and so tight that in a sense I've been frozen. Some things I've told to some people, but mostly I just keep filling myself up with hurt, unforgiveness and resentment. Nonetheless something happened yesterday and I am able to look at the sources of my brokenness and it doesn't hurt as much anymore. Maybe this is what the beginning of forgiveness feels like. It snowed again today, but it feels warmer.
As Jean Vanier puts it "we humans are called to become free, to free others, to nurture life, to look for the worth and the beauty in each and everyone of us, and to make of our world a beautiful garden where each person and each society can create a harvest of flowers and fruits, and so prepare the seeds of peace for tomorrow".
I decided that life will never be like this again. Yes there will be better times, and more difficult times, but it will never be exactly like this again. And so I'm trying to soak it in.
I'm going to call it a day and let the wind sing me to sleep. G'night.
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