somewhere between the dreams

Winnipeg, MB

Well I’m now back at work and counting down the number of days until summer (aka until I leave Winnipeg and arrive in South Africa) and that number is now only five. Despite the fact that I am about to travel to a place that causes me a bit of nervousness, a lot of excitement and is further than I have ever traveled before, I am feeling quite calm.
I attribute much of that to the quality of time I had at home over the Christmas holidays. I always appreciate being able to return home to my family, and a place where I feel so grounded. After three weeks of just the right amount s of family time, friend time, turkey eating time, game playing time, more turkey eating time, rain time (okay way too much of this), God time, and alone time, I’m glad to be back reuniting with my fellow leaders, and also looking forward to seeing our students again.
In many ways my experiences this fall were challenging. Likely the root of that challenge, which I have only recently been able to articulate, was that slowly but surely the more tired and stressed I became, I hardly liked who I was becoming. After some purposeful time reflecting and processing I’ve taken some steps to figure out where I can make changes, and how I can be who I want to be, and who I will like myself to be. This job has been a dream of mine, and to admit that it wasn’t working for me, or I for it, required a great deal of courage and introspection on my part. Upon this realization, I experienced a sense of freedom and no longer felt trapped and consequently became more attracted to the possibilities and opportunities then I ever had been before.
Dreams are complicated sometimes.
Last week before I left for Winnipeg, I went out for breakfast with my Aunt and cousin. It was the first real conversation I’ve had with my Aunt since my Uncle passed away in October. I asked her questions and she shared stories about their time spent working and living in China, the culture, the people and the many experiences they had. A number of times she assured me she did not regret any of their time spent there, which is quite a beautiful thing considering how easy it could be for her to in some way hold China responsible for my Uncle’s heart attack, and thus regret the whole experience. In the midst of her loss I saw a great deal of memories that she will cherish forever.
My Uncle Pat was a man of great dreams. Even as I look back over the past year it seems as though he was pulled in between two dreams. The first, being the building of a beautiful log home, and the second being the opportunity to work in China with other vets to assist the farmers in rural areas. Both these dreams pulled him, and the paint on the new house was still drying as they packed up and moved to China. I must confess that we, his loving family, thought this to be a bit crazy, packing up and moving. But for Uncle Pat it was so much more, he was following a dream, which was something bigger than we could understand.
From six-week canoe trip, to hiking, skiing, and sailing my uncle packed life full of living. This is something I’ve maybe only now come to realize and cherish about him.
I missed his quiet presence at our Christmas dinner this year, and will miss not being able to show him pictures from my latest adventures when I return in the spring, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to ski without thinking about the pointers that he and my cousin Kevin have taught me over the years.
There are many things his life has taught me, and many more it will continue to teach me, and I pray that I too can dream as he did, love as he did and live a life full of living as he did.